of course. lets lasso hookers.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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