its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
