just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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