I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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