I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
