Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
