I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
