____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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