I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
