paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
