I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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