after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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