he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
