I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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