You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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