At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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