Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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