FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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