Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
