Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
