At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
