literally had 100 drinks last night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
