Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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