I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
