then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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