So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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