my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize