shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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