I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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