Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
