I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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