I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
