Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
