she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
