gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
