i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
