when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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