I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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