Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
