OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Operation Purity has been aborted
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
