It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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