i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Houston, we have a blender
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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