She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
