Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
