everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
