I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
