On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
