i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
