I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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