im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
