Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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