I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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