You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
