Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
