SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
