it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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