guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it's like iHOP with fire
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
