bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
