coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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