and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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