So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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