I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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