college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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