whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
