carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
