You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize