Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
