Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
