when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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